Is it Love or Am I Settling?
I cannot help, but ask myself: “Is it going to be all lovey-dovey in the beginning and a routine or a habit in the end?”
Falling in love is easy nowadays and that's because this generation loves to fall in love with trends, things, potential, and perfection. Trends that come and go, things that will be liked or look good for a fixed period of time, potential that may never be reached, and the perfect stories that are nothing, but a piece of artwork to be admired and never obtained.
So, how do you know your own reality? Are you using your beliefs or the belief of someone else? How do you understand your very own emotion? What is your emotion based on and is it real?
Many people will say you just know. Real meets real, real feels real, and real understands real. Let's take a step further though and think:
“How do I know? How do you know if what you think of real is real?”
Are you in love with a person or is it your insecurities that demand from you to settle for what's available? Is it true, deep, and pure love or is it a bunch of disguised emotions of fear and doubt? Fearing to restart the process of attachment with someone and doubting that you will ever find someone better than your current. So, what do you do, you settle?
What is settling? Is it a physical notion? Is it matching the looks of one another and disregarding the personality traits? Is it mental or intellectual? Is it being okay with consistently outsmarting and outworking your partner and/or not seeing a similar work ethic? Even worse, not seeing any effort? Is settling career based? Being with someone that makes less or more money than you? Money, should not matter, but it does. You do not now want to feel like you are being used and taken advantage of.
Hold up! Are we even supposed to compare each other's progress, success or personalities? When do we start to compare and compete? Comparison is wrong, but healthy competition is great. Competing against the person you were yesterday. Looking to better yourself and be the best version for you and your partner! Then, having your partner hold you accountable for this competition with yourself. Now, that is the kind of competition that I want. That is the kind of competition that you should want too.
Competing with your partner to prove that you are better than him or her is wrong and unhealthy.
The real question is, "Why are you in a relationship or why do you want one? What do you think a relationship is? What makes up a good relationship to you?" It should be your ideals, your mindset, not someone’s perfect Instagram love story or a close friend’s understanding of a relationship.
I want a forever lovey-dovey kind of thing. I want to be challenged, pushed, and feel unique all the time. I want attention from my partner, not from social media. I want us to meet and exceed our standards, the ones we set together.
I want my relationship to be like no other, not like someone else’s.
Once and if it begins to feel like a habit or a routine, I want it to end. Once I begin to feel that my worth is not seen or that presence and love is taken for granted, I want it to end. I will end it. We will both deserve better at that time. And you know...better won't always mean a new partner, believing that will only build fear and cause one to settle. Better can mean a new environment, new goals, new drives, new motivation for self-growth or a new definition of happiness.
Don’t settle, love carefree, and love with everything in you. If it’s not the right time or person, you will figure it out sooner or later. You, loving less, or settling for an average type of love, will not guarantee you a long term or happy relationship.
Let go of your fears, love carefree, be real, be you, be happy.
Love always, Findurselfbyjro (Jessica Ogunnorin).